This is an email I sent out a few weeks ago regarding a request I made to be called DuWayne instead of Reggie. Since not everone recieved the email I thought I'd make it available this way. It was also a good way for me to learn this blogging software!
For the past week there have been a lot of questions concerning a request I made regarding my name.
First of all let me say how sorry I am for any undue stress this request may have caused. I in no way wanted to mess with anyone’s feelings of security.
Secondly, I didn’t come to this decision because I’m crazy or manic. Rachel and I have discussed this on several occasions over the past few years. That is to say, some thought had been given to the idea of going by my middle name.
In retrospect, if I would have known it would have caused a single person grief, I would have never issued the request. However, since I have and there are questions, those closest to me have suggested I respond. I hope that in doing so, fears will be put to rest and what seems nonsensical will make at least a little sense.
For more than six years I have been haunted by my past failings and the harm it has caused so many people. It took more than 2 years and various conversations in professional and casual settings for me to even believe that God could still love me. More time than that to believe He could still use me, and more time still to think He might want to. When we began Gods House, I was secure in God’s love and His call. My wife supported it and most of you have been a part of it. I’m glad we ventured out and I think we all believe that God is working with us and through us. But my past has still haunted me, and to some extent hindered me.
My relationship with Rachel has been affected, obviously. She has been so strong and supportive over these last six years, just as she was in the years prior to my shame. Her love for me has never wavered and if it weren’t for her love I’m not sure where I would be now.
For these reasons, my calling and my wife, I wanted to do something that would mark a turning point. Something that I could look back at and say “Here is where I let go of my past; here is where I decided to quit looking back at my failure and allow it to corrupt my present.” Some type of marker to move forward from without reservation or fear.
It could have been something else I’m sure: a new haircut, different fashion choices, or any change that was completely new I suppose. But I chose something that would affect every aspect of my life: my name.
Calling me “DuWayne” instead of “Reggie” or whatever you used to call me may be weird, even difficult. I understand. I won’t correct you if you can’t, won’t, or forget to do it. All that’s important is that you understand why I made the request. For me, it’s not an unfamiliar name. It is my middle name, the name my Dad has always called me.
Hopefully, this will become a reminder to me that my sin, which was horrible, has been covered by the blood of Jesus. That my past doesn’t control or limit what God can do with my present. Even more importantly, I hope it reminds me that I am both worthy of love and able to love people freely like I did a long time ago. I’m not all the way back yet, but I am pressing forward.
So call me DuWayne, Reggie, Reginald, Reg, whatever. Just join me as I thank God for His love and grace. Together, “forgetting the past, looking forward to what lies ahead, lets press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”
